A society dominated by the bodies of girls

You are taught not to laugh out loud, sit with your knees bent, speak your mind. For centuries, women's bodies have been the site for exercising the power of men, families and society. Rules are made to rule in the name of custom or male-centered religion, customs, tradition and culture to make Thalo.

Kanchan Mathur, a scholar from Rajasthan, India, is relevant. Having taught for a long time on the role of women in development, she says, 'A woman's identity is connected with her body and mainly the work done by the body. These are work, becoming a means of fulfilling the sexual satisfaction of men, giving birth to a child and nurturing that child, etc. A woman's whole life, her role, her existence and status in society are defined by the initial work of this body.'' In Nepali society, especially in the Khasary community, as Mathur said, a woman's body is only a tool to advance men's power.

If we look at it from another legal point of view, it seems that the state of Nepal is trying to control women's bodies. The civil law made during the time of Jung Bahadur Rana used to determine the punishment based on the caste and gender of a person. During the Panchayat period, the same Act was amended and implemented. The Act enacted by King Mahendra Shah was called progressive at that time by two parties. First, all (caste and gender) are equal before the law. Secondly, special facilities have been arranged for women. Even though the civil law was amended eight times during the Panchayat period, the essence remained the same.

Researcher Sera Tamang's article 'Legalizing State Patriarchy in Nepal' is useful to understand how the laws of Nepal have structurally discriminated against women. She has concluded in that article, "The legal amendments made during the Panchayat period were not without problems for the rights of women." Although formal equality was brought in some areas, the role of wife and mother was made 'natural' by limiting women to the body.'

is a work that helps to understand where the presence of women is in the social and family system of the Nepali, especially the Hindu community - activist Amrita Lamsal's, 'Grandmother's Story'. The grandmother's story told in this book reveals how horrible society was for women three generations ago. For example, if the wife did not have children for 2-3 years, most of the men of that time had a second marriage. It is impossible to imagine how sick the woman's mental condition would have been after her husband got married for the second time. Unable to do the initial work of having a child, the body of the woman became useless for male power. Grandmothers turned into cheap domestic workers.

Such a tradition has even deeper roots in the Khasarya community. Lynn Bennett, a graduate of Columbia University in the US, has been researching for more than a decade since 1972 in Narikot, a hill settlement near Kathmandu, focusing on Khasarya women. The female literacy rate was very low in that society which was mainly dependent on agriculture. In her book 'Dangerous Wives and Sacred Sisters', she has listed how the concept of religion has guided and shaped the daily life of women of the Khasarya community. My grandmother had just given birth to my father at the time Bennett studied. My grandmother, grandfather's second wife. Looking at it with today's eyes, one might wonder why he wanted another wife when his first wife was alive and had children by him. The answer relates to land, agricultural systems and labour. Grandfather had a lot of land in Inner Madhesh. Laborers were also needed for farming. Grain used to be the main source of income. The more wives were added, the more labor and children would be obtained, i.e. double benefit.

Most of the daughters of today's grandchildren have received school education, there is also an environment where technology is used a lot. Many avenues of financial gain have been opened. However, in the name of religion and tradition, the way women's bodies were used and looked at during the time of grandmothers, such thinking has not changed. Usually, after 25, family and relatives are reminded of the 'biological clock'. Even in today's society, it is believed that the only function of a woman's body is to give birth. Daughters are seen as a means of furthering the family line of a person, through marriage. It has not been possible to change the general mindset of the society that women's careers and education are not a matter of priority.

My childhood friend got married while studying for her master's degree in Kathmandu. Less than a year after her marriage, she told me about her bitter experience when her father-in-law told me, "Do you have to check the body of your daughter-in-law, there is no trick?" Had my friend's body been healthy, she would have been pregnant within a year. Since that was not the case, Sasurba advised her to do a 'whole body checkup'. Although things came in a roundabout way, the intention was clear, the decision to have a child within 1 year was told by the father-in-law. The friend had to prepare for public service while still studying for his master's degree. However, not being able to withstand the pressure of the family, she had to plan for a child next year.

In my case, I didn't have to wait even one year. Less than six months after the marriage, in the joyous atmosphere of Holi, the father said, "When it's almost a year, parents start to worry." The intention of his question was also clear. He feels that anything can happen anytime, anywhere. Not knowing that this question will spoil the daughter's mood. He also knew that I had been actively speaking for women's rights and equality for the past few years. Yet how dare my father ask a very private question in front of everyone at a family gathering? It was normal for him to ask such a personal question.

He thinks that society has given men the 'license' to ask this question, and other fathers of the father generation also find this question natural. How many generations of grandchildren will have to struggle to remind and understand that there is a huge problem in this common understanding of the father's generation? Even if it is a daughter born by yourself, some questions are personal and when will the sensitivity come that such questions should not be asked or not? How to explain any woman's body, the emotional side that comes with it, the right to make decisions?

Dad's question brought me back to the depths of what happened a month ago. The incident of child theft in the maternity hospital made the society think at that time. According to the information published in the newspaper, for 3 years after the marriage, the woman did not have a child in her womb even though she wanted to. In these three years, how much mental violence did my father and friend's in-laws do to his relatives or family? What state of mind led him to the reprehensible decision to risk stealing a child? What she did is legally wrong but the society ignores the reason behind the incident. Does not realize her mental torture and emotional side.

It is a tradition of a patriarchal society like Nepal to limit a woman's ability to have a child. My mother, fupu, grandmothers pilsed on it. In the past, in the name of motherhood, mothers were forced to carry children until they stopped menstruating. For future daughters, motherhood should be a matter of choice, not a forced trap of family and relatives. When to marry or not to marry and when to bear or not to bear children is a purely personal matter. When someone raises a question about a woman's body, the emotional trauma it causes is incalculable. Asking a private question may give instant gratification to a family member or relative, but such a generalized but tricky question can make someone naive enough to steal a child. Women can be crazy.

If the decision to change her body and life forever is not a woman's choice or is left in the hands of others, women cannot feel real freedom. Therefore, today's daughter should be able to challenge the patriarchal thinking of denying her privacy, emotional and sensory existence by limiting women to the womb of having children.